Top Gear: What Once Was May Be Again Soon

On March 25th, the BBC dropped the contract of host Jeremy Clarkson from the extremely popular Top Gear, a true motoring show, for attacking a producer on set of filming. Now, it seems to be amounting to absolutely, positively nothing.

Co-hosts James May and Richard Hammond have openly said they will not do the show unless Clarkson is there, but it is unclear whether they will return or not. The BBC has said they want to continue to the show, but there is no possible way ratings of 350 million viewers will be able to be revived with new hosts for the show. There is no way that is possible. Those guys were so outlandish and funny that what they did cannot be replicated. There is a possibility that the three could reconvene with Netflix, which really means that they could really do or say what they wanted. To celebrate what once was, I have provided my top two moments from the show.

Vietnam Special:

Definitely the best special of any holiday special they have done. The three hosts traveled across the entire country of Vietnam on motorbikes. They encountered bad weather and broken down motorbikes. They had to turn them into amphibious bikes so they could get them to the final meeting place: a bar in Ha Long Bay, which is in the middle of a body of water.

Sensible Car Tests:

Making fun of a letter from a fan asking them to do sensible car tests of sensible, affordable cars, Jeremy decided to perform tests by putting them through thorough and outlandish tests that look like they could make sense, but don’t. He put a Ford Fiesta and Renault Twingo Sport through the tests, including driving upside down in a tunnel and driving the Ford with the British Marines on a beachhead operation.

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You Like that Sci-Fi Action?

I am turning back the clock for this blog post. It involves a movie, but not a review. Something that was brought to my attention was my brother telling me about the upcoming release of Avengers: Age of Ultron. It kind of snuck up on me. I didn’t really pay much attention to its release and wasn’t aware that the release date was May 1st. However, it arrives at the inevitability of a blockbuster year for movies, and is something I am very much looking forward to. It connects with previous Marvel films, and leaves room for future ones to come. With the usual cast of Robert Downey Jr. and Samuel L. Jackson, James Spader (Robert California in The Office) joins a star-studded cast as the bad guy. Look for this one in theaters very very very very very very very soon.

Going on the theme of releases, at a Star Wars gathering celebrating something Star Wars related, the new trailer was released, and boy did it deliver. With a new cast of characters I have never heard of as the main young characters, the second most successful film franchise (Behind James Bond, of course) is back in action for Christmas. If you haven’t seen the trailer yet, go watch it, for you are missing out if you are a remote fan of the franchise. At the end of the teaser trailer is something that makes Star Wars fans around the country excited. Harrison Ford and his partner in crime Chewbacca are back. That old fart is coming off of a broken leg he suffered while filming the movie. He might’ve taken that expression a little too seriously.

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An Odd Pairing

I really only have two things to talk about; two things that are very different from each other, but need to be addressed.

Reds Off to a Red-Hot Start:

The Cincinnati Reds, finished 76-86 last year in what, let’s be honest, was an extremely disappointing season. As Todd Frazier and Devin Mesoraco continue to give Cincinnatians hope for the future, there is optimism in the fact that the Joey Votto and Brandon Phillips are back healthy. As of now, Votto is playing like his old self before the knee surgery, and Brandon Phillips is picking up where he left off by pulling off some spectacular plays. With Cueto at the front of the rotation, the Reds, as of now, seem to want to be contenders. The biggest offseason acquisition was Marlon Byrd, who replaced Ryan Ludwick. So far, the signing hasn’t proved to be paying off, but the Reds always seem to help older talent turn back the clock for a few years and milk every last ounce of juice they have left. With questions like whether Cueto and Chapman will be still be with the team in the future and if Phillips and Votto can perform to their potential, hopefully they can keep it up.

Better Call Saul Inaugural Season Comes to an End:

Slippin’ Jimmy strikes again. The first season of the critically acclaimed series Better Call Saul has come to an end, an end that is slightly confusing. The producers of Breaking Bad made the show to convey how Saul Goodman came to be the corrupt lawyer he was in Breaking Bad. I feel like with the way the first season ended, we have figured it out. It seems like they don’t even need to do the show anymore. He stated that he was angry at the fact that he was “doing the right thing” and said that he won’t be that guy anymore. That leaves me to believe that I don’t need to see anything else to know how it happens, but I guess that is the point of the prequel. I already know how it ends, but not how it starts.


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I Got A Fever: Senioritis

This isn’t the first time that I have felt this way. I have had variations of Senioritis. Doctors call it “The Fearsome Foursome”. My freshman year, I experienced “Freshmanitis”. Sophomore year, I came down with “Sophomoritis”. Junior year… well you can probably see where this is going. The reason I have felt this way is because my ego is so astronomically massive that I have always thought myself to be in the upper echelon of the senior class, even as a Freshman. This year is no different.

All of these clinically diagnosed diseases have the same symptoms: growing lethargic mindset to not finish homework, and the ability to give a damn runs dry. These diseases all hit the student body when the all of the black mounds of snow sitting at the side of the

(PHOTO BY SIMONS) This is me, and I have been experiencing Senioritis since Freshman year.

(PHOTO BY SIMONS) This is me, and I have been experiencing Senioritis since Freshman year.

road that appeal to nobody ever has melted and the weather has turned warmer for the better. I would give you viewers (all 12 of you) a few tips to beat Senioritis, but that would be pointless. It would be like trying to contain a hungry lion in a cage made of meat.

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James Bond Rankings

With the 24th Bond franchise installment, Spectre, releasing on November 6th, I have comprised a list of the best of the best. From cars, to actors, to villains, to women (Schwing!), I will be ranking the top 5 of each category. So sit back and drink this post in, it always goes down smooth.

The Movies

5.) From Russia With Love/ 4.) The Living Daylights/ 3.) Live and Let Die/ 2.) The Spy Who Loved Me/ 1.) You Only Live Twice

The Cars

5.) 1997 BMW 750il (Tomorrow Never Dies)/ 4.) 1981 Lotus Elise (For Your Eyes Only)/ 3.) 1987 Aston Martin Volante (The Living Daylights)/ 2.) 1977 Lotus Elise (The Spy Who Loved Me)/ 1.) 1964-65 Aston Martin DB5 (Goldfinger/Thunderball)

The Actors

6.) George Lazenby (1969)/ 5.) Timothy Dalton (1987-1989)/ 4.) Daniel Craig (2006-present)/ 3.) Pierce Brosnan (1995-2002)/ 2.) Sean Connery (1962-1967, 1971, 1983)/ 1.) Roger Moore (1973-1985)

The Women 

5.) Pussy Galore (Goldfinger)/ 4.) Solitaire (Live and Let Die)/ 3.) Vesper Lynd (Casino Royale)/ 2.) Anya Amasova (The Spy Who Loved Me)/ 1.) Honey Ryder (Dr. No)

The Villians

The metal-teethed villain Jaws is a menace to Bond in multiple movies.

The metal-teethed villain Jaws is a menace to Bond in multiple movies.

5.) Mr. Big/Kananga (Live and Let Die; Yaphet Kotto)/ 4.) Le Chiffre (Casino Royale; Mads Milkkensen)/ 3.) Jaws (The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker; Richard Kiel)/ 2.) Auric Goldfinger (Goldfinger; Gert Frobe)/ 1.) Ernst Stavro Blofled (From Russia With Love, Thunderball, You Only Live Twice, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, Diamonds Are Forever, Never Say Never Again; Donald Pleasance, Telly Savalas, Charles Gray, Max Von Sydow)

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She was owned by Conan O’ Brien, had an appearance in the background of 21 Jump Street, and is the same age as Justin Bieber, but still has less mileage than he does. I am talking about my car, which is a 1993 Ford Taurus. I am sure I could write a song about Jeanine, but for now, I can just talk because that is much easier.

I named it Jeanine because it just looks like one of those cars a woman named Jeanine would drive to work at the BMV, where she works with her friends Paula and Sharon. They enjoy each other’s company, but act like all BMV workers do towards the people they deal with. For lunch breaks, it is either Wendy’s or McDonald’s every day, which is why they are not the most fit women you have ever seen. She always carry around a large Styrofoam cup because they claim “it keeps the drink colder for longer”. She has a discernible look, with her huge up-dos, and pants that she puts on way too tight and way too high. When she gets home, she slips into something more comfortable: Those particular type of “mom jeans” that say “I am not a woman anymore. I’m a mom.”

I know I probably just stereotyped women from the 90’s and used an SNL joke in their but you must look past that in order to bask in the undeniable glory it possesses. No rust, power locks and power windows, finished in gray. Some people claim it to have the

No words need to be said.

No words need to be said.

comfiest seats in the CHL. This car has it all from clocks, to a radio, to air vents and cupholders. With just over 45,000 miles, this car is actually quite the diamond in the rough. A very nice find it was to buy it from an old woman who only took it to the store and to church.

Those may have been the pros of the car, but there are a few cons.

It takes years to warm up and get heat circulating through it. The aforementioned clock doesn’t actually work. When I closed the passenger door once, the plastic guard for the seatbelt thing (yes, that is the correct terminology) just shattered into pieces. The passenger door window can’t be down all the way out of the very high possibility it gets stuck because it moves so slowly. The passenger door speaker doesn’t work unless you play music at an extremely loud volume. It makes me wonder who this old lady drove in the passenger seat. When I hit 50 mph, the engine makes a whining noise. Same when it hits 55 mph. It isn’t the prettiest thing that struts down the road. When I go over any sort of bump or speed hump, something underneath the car bounces around underneath. I have to play music constantly because the sounds my car makes while no music is being played frightens me. The cupholders built into the car were apparently only made for drinks of microscopic size because I have tried to fit just a regular cup in their and it doesn’t fit because of the radio. The cupholders I do have in a center console were apparently only made for the largest size of drinks because they never stay in place.

However, I can play my Ipod, so… You tell me which is better.



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It’s Just Recreational, baby

Another winter, another season of recreational basketball, and we are already halfway through the season. Our team consists of eight players: Connor Bortz, Parker Sullivan, Will Majchszak, Chris Cascella, Drew Serraino, Connor Osgood, Nick Cinquina and myself. What a star-studded lineup. A lineup good enough to go against the NBA All-Star teams. Just kidding… but seriously.

After starting out 3-0 and winning some thrilling games, the offense has faltered as of late, tallying up only 18 points in the previous game, a loss to Wyoming. A game this Saturday

(PHOTO BY CPYBL) The logo for the very league we participate... neigh... win in.

(PHOTO BY CPYBL) The logo for the very league we participate… neigh… win in.

will lead up to a doubleheader the following weekend for us. A game on Saturday against a team from Evendale, and the highly anticipated matchup against Mariemont Hanley at 4pm ET on ESPN.

Our first three wins were hotly contested matchups. In our first game, we won 32-26 against a team from a place we didn’t know existed. Tempers were flaring as words were exchanged between the two opponents.

The second game we played shorthanded. With only five guys on the court, meaning no substitutes, we gutted out a victory in double OT, 30-26. After not scoring the entire first overtime period, one of their players was fouled with 0.5 seconds left. While he was at the line, Cinquina and I were chirping it up during the act of shooting. He missed both. What an idiot. Cinquina and I like to think we played a pivotal role in this win. In the second overtime, with seconds left, yours truly was fouled, completed the and-1, and sealed the game.

The third game was just as good as the previous one. We were losing the entire game versus a team from the west side, who we also know didn’t existed. Towards the end of the game, we tied it up, then gave up a bucket, making it 31-29 bad guys. With 1.5 seconds left, Cascella inbounded the ball to Bortz, who took it up the court, shot it just inside the half court line, and was fouled. Again, the opposing team acted a fool, and was idiotic. Sinking all three, we mobbed him after he made the three free throws.

We are good.

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